#metoo Solidarity

There was a tweet going around - how do women not die of rage aneurysms every day. Seems especially apt today.

Since we voted (or not voted, in most cases) a serial sexual assaulter to the office of president to now when an apathetic to enthusiastic GOP is trying to cram Kavanaugh down our throats, the political is personal.

I haven't suffered monumental sexual trauma but only the run of the mill sexual harassment, sexism and rape culture. What a phrase that is, run of the mill sexual harassment. I am absolutely in solidarity with survivors whenever, wherever and however they report. I can't imagine what this is putting them through. Every single time.

I've walked with my keys between my fingers, I worry about dark parking lots, I worry about places with few people, I worry about places with too many people. I thought I wasn't good at math. I worry about running alone. I cross the street to avoid squeezing by men on a sidewalk. I've been talked over and had my answers repeated by boys who take credit. I've laughed off sexist "jokes" and comments to get out of the situation. I've told myself stray hands where I didn't want them were an accident. I listen for footsteps behind me and use my car window for a mirror as I unlock the car. I accepted advances I didn't want so I wouldn't be stranded. I know who I would and wouldn't tell about sexual assault.

I grew up with an ideology that taught me not to handle big decisions on my own, not to usurp the authority of a man and not to cause one to stumble spiritually because of what I chose to wear or how I moved. No one ever said explicitly that my safety was not intended by God to be a priority, but when you tell a teenager that you can only be released from marriage for death or infidelity, what on earth is one to gather from that?

We can do better. I want to have faith in humanity that common decency might prevail consistently one day.

But Twitler is in office and Troy (thanks, Boom Lawyered for the levity) will be a Justice soon. So *can* we do better?

Push back all around on #believewomen - deja vu

As the number of women coming forward against Kavanaugh rises. ..

So there has been some push back on the 'believe women' mantra across the board from conservative Christians* to well meaning liberals. Some say slow down! We can't assume guilt and the only appropriate response is that we don't know/ maybe we should look into it. Or they believe "truth" or "facts" (which is funny if any of those support the GOP but i digress ...) rather than exclusively women. 

*As far as the conservative Christians, I read a post by Jen Hatmaker, which I can generally get on board with. I support religious people thinking in a humane way about equality and the common good. Her Christianity is against kids in cages and men who rape women and I think it's important for Christians to speak out when they differ with the GOP theocratic patriarchal abuse.

This strikes the same tone deaf note as Black Lives Matter opposition where people intentionally disregard context so they can feel some self righteous indignation. Neither of these statements are happening in a vacuum or a state of anything approaching equality. BLM is not saying no other lives matter,  it's drawing attention to the fact that our society doesn't value black lives, there is still discrimination and racism (readily apparent in the criminal justice system and murders of unarmed black people by police among other areas) and we're fed up. 

In the same manner, 'believe women' is the shorthand that says NOT that only women always tell the truth on everything or any other nonsense, but that women are historically and statistically not being valued or believed (especially in sexual assault, DV, among other life threatening situations) compared to men and it's LITERALLY KILLING US.

In a perfect world and free of the weight of history we could treat his denial and her accusation as equally plausible. But given our current world, knowing he has everything to gain and she is getting death threats for coming forward, I'm going to #believewomen .

#believewomen

#cancelKavanaugh

#bluewave

#womensrightsarehumanrights

*the comments section of the Jen Hatmaker post/article:

Men's Worry and Women's Safety

When Men's Worry is More Important Than Women's Safety

All men should be worried? Really?

Can we trash this excuse and burn it forever? 

If you are not a rapist or have not tried to rape someone, you DO NOT have to worry. If you have assaulted a woman, I hope your life is hell and that you are consumed with worry - or actual punishment - that'd be novel.

Even when these men are facing "punishment," they are just losing a freaking job (and then are reinstated if you're famous). That's NOTHING compared to the damage their violation inflicted on these women.

Quote:

If anything, he went on, it was time for the men of the world to draw a line: “If somebody can be brought down by accusations like this, then you, me, every man certainly should be worried. We can all be accused of something.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The implication behind "boys will be boys" is chilling: girls will suffer.

The Truth About 'Boys Will Be Boys' - Huffington - Post Opinion 

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Brett Kavanaugh and the Revealing Logic of ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ - The Atlantic

All men can be accused of SOMETHING? All men have tried to RAPE a woman? Is that where we are now? Are you kidding me with that crap? I know this was meant to generate empathy for the abuser over the victim, but this is a horrifying prospect. When you say boys will be boys or all men have done it, so we should be okay with that, you need to think about the implications there. You are saying women are garbage or liars and do not matter.

Quote:

On the contrary: “If anything, it’s the opposite,” the lawyer told the reporter Burgess Everett, suggesting that the White House has been, actually, galvanized by the allegations against its nominee. “If somebody can be brought down by accusations like this, then you, me, every man certainly should be worried. We can all be accused of something.”

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'Uncontrollable male passion': Writings of Brett Kavanaugh's classmate under scrutiny

This classmate, Mike Judge, won't testify. However, he has already told the world quite a bit about our SCOTUS nominee.

Facetiously, I could say you shouldn't write a book called Wasted detailing crimes and misdeeds if you or your buddies have SCOTUS or political aspirations. . .

But honestly, this is disgusting. A middle ground in consent where a man has to prove himself? ? No. Unless you mean asking permission. Which he doesn't. Degenerates, both.

9/11 memories and constant plea ...

“Perhaps, when we remember wars, we should take off our clothes and paint ourselves blue and go on all fours all day long and grunt like pigs. That would surely be more appropriate than noble oratory and shows of flags and well-oiled guns.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle

Every national tragedy we think of where we were. I was 22. On 9/11/01, I was working at Duke and had been at work for a half hour getting started on whatever sciencey thing I was doing that day. People have music or maybe NPR or throughout the labs and so we heard about it as it was happening or as it was reported. One event, then another, then another. And another. Stunned silence. Dread. The other dread. Numb the rest of the day. Wondering if or when there'd be another. Is this war? How many attacks will there be? In how many cities? How big is this?

And then WHO. Soon it was apparent. I wanted it to be anyone but who it was. Let them be wrong this time. My boyfriend and I were talking marriage. He's Palestinian, so a target for anything white people were going to be dishing out. (It turns out we were lucky based on the experiences of so many Arab Americans, but I didn't know that then.) And future kids, how would this affect them? Should we even have kids? His dad's a citizen, but would that be respected? Will we be able to fly? Will we be followed? What about hate crimes? What kind of lists will we be on and how will that affect job prospects and life in general? So "who" brought on a whole other set of questions.

We remember the lives lost. So many all at once, senselessly. But what is a sensible death? I guess being taken in tragedy, too soon, it might seem, heightens the grief. That wasn't nature and we couldn't prevent it. Our response and the deaths that resulted, we could have controlled. We could have stopped those deaths. But we didn't. Our president said "bring it on."

Every year I recall how the victims of our tragedy were used by the powerful to generate support for more killing. Instead of healing and peace, we got war cries and insidious persistent hatred disguised as patriotism and unblinking "respect" for barely elected incompetent leaders.

I have this demoralizing memory of overwhelming hopelessness and disgust with the reaction of fellow Americans: attitudes, flag waving, narrow definitions of patriotism, hatred, warmongering. The policies and perceptions driven by the same bigotry remain today with the Muslim ban, kids in cages, hatemongers wearing red hats and racists in the White House.

I knew in the pit of my stomach things were going to get bad. Overt hatred of Muslims and Arab Americans was going to be in fashion. I knew that. And the way things went, I thought internment camps weren't off the table with that guy, W. Instead, we got the Patriot Act, jailing innocent people and a slew of laws aimed at getting rid of and spying on our Muslim brothers and sisters. Not a whole lot better.

Flags came out in support of war and killing innocent people and I was devastated. Dissent was quashed in the name of patriotism and God. Not even journalists were questioning this rush to war and patriotic fever for such a long time. Americans didn't care that war would only be revenge and not a real solution. All Muslims and brown people were the enemy. Pacific Islanders? Same thing! Can't be bothered with facts! (See, it's always been that way. ) It was all- War! Enlist! Fight! Don't be a pussy! Country!

Peace was laughed at, even among Christians who I thought at the time would see war as tragedy and value life. To me peace is honorable and strong and I trusted that others saw that as well. I was wrong on the last bit. At various times I sat through sermons on how Islam was evil and murderous. (What happened to God is love?) Peace was for the weak, you know, women! (What happened to blessed are the peacemakers?) Real men want to fight to protect you. .. from this tragedy that already happened. .. Nothing made sense. Values I'd learned from the time I was a child were failing to help me comprehend the world now. It caused me heart-wrenching dissonance. Could I be a... a liberal? Say it isn't so!

It became clear to me that war doesn't protect anyone and it isn't brave or just, it just slaughters and sends people to the slaughter- one side we imagine a force of evil, the other we make into heroes. They all died preventable deaths if only we could get over this exceptionalism, greed and hyper masculine gun worship.

Remember the victims. ...of the day... just as much as of the invasions. In the style, if not exact words, of my middle school social studies teacher: War is stupid. War is bloody. War is ugly.

Work for peace instead.

As Kurt said - "Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”