Won't You Be My Neighbor?
Trailer
I've been putting it off watching this Mr. Rogers documentary for a year because I knew how I'd feel, and I didn't want to do that yet - you know, deal with the melancholy - like he was the last good person and he's dead... I'm going to be processing this for another year.
Some notes.
That first week of the show was about WAR! How did they do that? King Friday wanted to build a wall, Henrietta Pussycat was scared of the shooting, and the resolution was to send messages of peace by balloon to the king. Wow. An anti-war message promoting peace and possibly protest! I feel like people would say that's too political for kids – and even some adults – today. You'd be accused of having an agenda, of being divisive, pushing that liberal political message. Why can't we get along and rise above politics would be the message today. But the fact that that was the first week was awesome. He kept that up, speaking to children's deepest fears and hence some adults' as well.
How he didn't like TV really is great. He saw the pies in the face and wanted to use the medium differently. That was kind of a big idea. The images in the film were of commercials with kids with toy guns and slapstick comedy with people doing mean things.
Of course his mother's quote of looking for the helpers is in there. We bring it out in times of disaster. I look for the helpers. The kind people who do things because they too see the humanity in others and want to put as much good out into the world as possible. Those are my people, but there are so few...
What he says about silence – that it's the greatest gift. It's what I feel or AM. This one was profound to me and hit hard. I'm naturally this way, but it's always made me feel different and a bit defective. (See later when Daniel Tiger worries he's a mistake...) I've always been teased for that, but I suppose it was harder for him being a man and going up against those toxic masculinity/ male entitlement type expectations. Clemmons explains how he modeled a different way to be a man. That was groundbreaking stuff -- him just being himself. Clemmons debunks the wild speculations that Rogers was gay. They had nothing to compare him to, so they made up tattoos and navy seal stories, etc. That was a great moment as well since it's something that's still lacking in our culture despite strides we've made in equality.
I love his sincerity and the way he connects with each individual and lets them know he's happy to be spending this moment with them and he wouldn't have it any other way. When he says he's glad to meet someone, it's not a formality, he means it. Yo-Yo Ma was funny in describing that. He was three inches away from his face and it freaked him out. The look on his face as he recalled that was priceless.
I always want to be that open as he was and tell people that I appreciate the time I spend with them because I do. There are times in my life I've been able to tell people what they mean to me – usually when someone dies or when I've felt grateful - wedding and baby showers when so many people are so incredibly supportive and helpful you feel like you can't possibly deserve it. A few other random times. But I feel like I don't want to unnerve people by saying it out of the blue. Certain times feel more acceptable for me to express that so they won't think I'm terminally ill or contemplating suicide or something.
He somehow took the best things from Christianity and Buddhism and acted it out – the love and acceptance and being in the moment, not the authoritarian sexism. Though there was an issue with Clemmons going to a gay bar and Rogers having talk with him that he couldn't do that. I wished he was better on that. They didn't go into that so deeply. It seemed that he came around to personal acceptance of his friend, but who knows whether the gay bar incident was more about the show and how he knew that the public wouldn't accept it or what. Maybe he was protecting his friend? Maybe just the show?
Daniel tiger saying he thought he was a mistake... That was heart wrenching because I think all of us with an introverted tendency tend to think this at some point – or all points in life about various things about us. The duet is amazing. It's what you wish someone would've told you instead of eventually sorting that out on your own. I sort of told my daughter this on a make up discussion, that I like her just the way she is. I wanted to make sure she knew that it's okay to dress up and have fun with make up, but it's her I love for being her. I hope I said it right.
A big takeaway is when he told why he made the ending song, how he thought every child needed to hear that, that they were loved just the way they are. That's important. I feel like I didn't get that enough.
The film covered a bit of the backlash to Mr. Rogers. I can't believe I said that – backlash. To Mr. Rogers. Fox News blamed him for the state of America and the youth who feel entitled or didn't earn their specialness. Westboro Baptist Church picketed his funeral. There's so much wrong with this Fox News conservative view. He's talking about a human's inherent worth and it being important to know that for oneself and also (or in order to) see it in others. He's not talking about unearned expertise or some former Muslim making the rounds denouncing Islam not because of his or her scholarship but because he or she fit your narrative of hate and vengeance.
I grew up with that backlash to being too loving, sadly. Spare the rod and spoil the child! I'm not going to argue about disciplinary methods here. That's another conversation. Parents need to figure that out. That's only one aspect of this. I heard this in CHURCH. People would say from time to time that other denominations focused too much on the love of God like it was some mushy gushy very bad thing. They would say preachers are talking too much about God's love and not enough about church discipline. “When I was a kid, we heard fire and brimstone and we behaved! Church-goers today are just like the children of parents who don't want to hurt their child's self-esteem by correcting him.” They scoffed at self-esteem and love as weak (unless it was tough love in which they were exacting harsh penalties while saying love). But I have to say I died just a little inside whenever I heard it said we don't need to hear about the love of God so much or that it is overemphasized at the expense of harder truths. Every cell in my body was saying NO! But we NEED love! Don't take it away! I need to hear it. I don't experience love in “not even to eat with such a one.” I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me your love is unconditional. I need you to show me you value my inherent humanity (and I, yours). Tough love isn't love. Hating the sin, but loving the sinner isn't love. Of course I only felt those things. I could never ever say them out loud.
One thing that's odd about him was that he was so kind and well adjusted despite being a rich kid and then on to fame. Even with that, I feel he's a kindred quiet spirit I feel a affinity with. Maybe the bullying and music and introspection helped give him that desire to put good into the world as the ultimate goal with no ulterior narcissistic motive. I always say as a shorthand for my philosophy – do the most good for the most people. I feel like despite the Christianity and Republicanism, he thought like that. If I had met him though, I may have feared his Christianity. Though i guess when he was alive, I was one, so maybe I'd have admired the way he took the good from it and left the poison.
At the end of the film, they speculate about what Rogers would say about Trump. I think he'd focus on the problems not from a broad political or philosophical point of view, but he'd focus on how that affected kids like he always did. He wouldn't tell about school shootings, but address the fear they could have worrying about what if that happens to them. And in the same way, those immigrant kids who are scared of being deported or separated from their parents – that's where he'd start. I wonder if he'd have the same compassion for Muslim kids though. He didn't want Clemmons to come out as gay, but was at least good on race with that segment making the point of sharing the pool together. It's hard to say.
One more thing on the Challenger and memory...
Trailer
Some notes.
That first week of the show was about WAR! How did they do that? King Friday wanted to build a wall, Henrietta Pussycat was scared of the shooting, and the resolution was to send messages of peace by balloon to the king. Wow. An anti-war message promoting peace and possibly protest! I feel like people would say that's too political for kids – and even some adults – today. You'd be accused of having an agenda, of being divisive, pushing that liberal political message. Why can't we get along and rise above politics would be the message today. But the fact that that was the first week was awesome. He kept that up, speaking to children's deepest fears and hence some adults' as well.
How he didn't like TV really is great. He saw the pies in the face and wanted to use the medium differently. That was kind of a big idea. The images in the film were of commercials with kids with toy guns and slapstick comedy with people doing mean things.
What he says about silence – that it's the greatest gift. It's what I feel or AM. This one was profound to me and hit hard. I'm naturally this way, but it's always made me feel different and a bit defective. (See later when Daniel Tiger worries he's a mistake...) I've always been teased for that, but I suppose it was harder for him being a man and going up against those toxic masculinity/ male entitlement type expectations. Clemmons explains how he modeled a different way to be a man. That was groundbreaking stuff -- him just being himself. Clemmons debunks the wild speculations that Rogers was gay. They had nothing to compare him to, so they made up tattoos and navy seal stories, etc. That was a great moment as well since it's something that's still lacking in our culture despite strides we've made in equality.
I love his sincerity and the way he connects with each individual and lets them know he's happy to be spending this moment with them and he wouldn't have it any other way. When he says he's glad to meet someone, it's not a formality, he means it. Yo-Yo Ma was funny in describing that. He was three inches away from his face and it freaked him out. The look on his face as he recalled that was priceless.
I always want to be that open as he was and tell people that I appreciate the time I spend with them because I do. There are times in my life I've been able to tell people what they mean to me – usually when someone dies or when I've felt grateful - wedding and baby showers when so many people are so incredibly supportive and helpful you feel like you can't possibly deserve it. A few other random times. But I feel like I don't want to unnerve people by saying it out of the blue. Certain times feel more acceptable for me to express that so they won't think I'm terminally ill or contemplating suicide or something.
He somehow took the best things from Christianity and Buddhism and acted it out – the love and acceptance and being in the moment, not the authoritarian sexism. Though there was an issue with Clemmons going to a gay bar and Rogers having talk with him that he couldn't do that. I wished he was better on that. They didn't go into that so deeply. It seemed that he came around to personal acceptance of his friend, but who knows whether the gay bar incident was more about the show and how he knew that the public wouldn't accept it or what. Maybe he was protecting his friend? Maybe just the show?
Daniel tiger saying he thought he was a mistake... That was heart wrenching because I think all of us with an introverted tendency tend to think this at some point – or all points in life about various things about us. The duet is amazing. It's what you wish someone would've told you instead of eventually sorting that out on your own. I sort of told my daughter this on a make up discussion, that I like her just the way she is. I wanted to make sure she knew that it's okay to dress up and have fun with make up, but it's her I love for being her. I hope I said it right.
A big takeaway is when he told why he made the ending song, how he thought every child needed to hear that, that they were loved just the way they are. That's important. I feel like I didn't get that enough.
The film covered a bit of the backlash to Mr. Rogers. I can't believe I said that – backlash. To Mr. Rogers. Fox News blamed him for the state of America and the youth who feel entitled or didn't earn their specialness. Westboro Baptist Church picketed his funeral. There's so much wrong with this Fox News conservative view. He's talking about a human's inherent worth and it being important to know that for oneself and also (or in order to) see it in others. He's not talking about unearned expertise or some former Muslim making the rounds denouncing Islam not because of his or her scholarship but because he or she fit your narrative of hate and vengeance.
I grew up with that backlash to being too loving, sadly. Spare the rod and spoil the child! I'm not going to argue about disciplinary methods here. That's another conversation. Parents need to figure that out. That's only one aspect of this. I heard this in CHURCH. People would say from time to time that other denominations focused too much on the love of God like it was some mushy gushy very bad thing. They would say preachers are talking too much about God's love and not enough about church discipline. “When I was a kid, we heard fire and brimstone and we behaved! Church-goers today are just like the children of parents who don't want to hurt their child's self-esteem by correcting him.” They scoffed at self-esteem and love as weak (unless it was tough love in which they were exacting harsh penalties while saying love). But I have to say I died just a little inside whenever I heard it said we don't need to hear about the love of God so much or that it is overemphasized at the expense of harder truths. Every cell in my body was saying NO! But we NEED love! Don't take it away! I need to hear it. I don't experience love in “not even to eat with such a one.” I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me your love is unconditional. I need you to show me you value my inherent humanity (and I, yours). Tough love isn't love. Hating the sin, but loving the sinner isn't love. Of course I only felt those things. I could never ever say them out loud.
One thing that's odd about him was that he was so kind and well adjusted despite being a rich kid and then on to fame. Even with that, I feel he's a kindred quiet spirit I feel a affinity with. Maybe the bullying and music and introspection helped give him that desire to put good into the world as the ultimate goal with no ulterior narcissistic motive. I always say as a shorthand for my philosophy – do the most good for the most people. I feel like despite the Christianity and Republicanism, he thought like that. If I had met him though, I may have feared his Christianity. Though i guess when he was alive, I was one, so maybe I'd have admired the way he took the good from it and left the poison.
At the end of the film, they speculate about what Rogers would say about Trump. I think he'd focus on the problems not from a broad political or philosophical point of view, but he'd focus on how that affected kids like he always did. He wouldn't tell about school shootings, but address the fear they could have worrying about what if that happens to them. And in the same way, those immigrant kids who are scared of being deported or separated from their parents – that's where he'd start. I wonder if he'd have the same compassion for Muslim kids though. He didn't want Clemmons to come out as gay, but was at least good on race with that segment making the point of sharing the pool together. It's hard to say.
************************
I'll put this at the end because I don't associate it with Mr. Rogers, but it was in the film and made me think about that day and how I don't know if what I'm remembering is true to the facts of where I was or what I saw.
Footage of the Challenger exploding was so strange. I saw it and had a very immediate reaction. Gut wrenching. Very sad. I wonder if my memory of watching this in school is real or something I made from news coverage. I swear I remember all the classes at my Christian school gathering around the few TVs, though. There was cheering and excitement- she was a teacher going up, you could feel the teachers' connection. And it lifted off, but then everything turned to just confusion and sadness so completely abruptly. Such a complete shift, opposite emotions. It was jarring even though I didn't know what a space launch was supposed to look like or even really what death meant most likely. I don't know what I knew. But I knew the thing that was keeping them safe wasn't doing that anymore and they couldn't breathe all the way up there. Did I know that even? Then I swear a little kid said “see the pretty colors” and it made me really sad both because they didn't know people were hurt and because they'd find out sometime. You want to help, but you know telling them the truth isn't going to "help" really. That was another kick in the gut. But I wonder how much of that memory is news footage later and how much is really mine. I heard Bart Ehrman speak on memory once and now I don't know what I know. Haha.
Footage of the Challenger exploding was so strange. I saw it and had a very immediate reaction. Gut wrenching. Very sad. I wonder if my memory of watching this in school is real or something I made from news coverage. I swear I remember all the classes at my Christian school gathering around the few TVs, though. There was cheering and excitement- she was a teacher going up, you could feel the teachers' connection. And it lifted off, but then everything turned to just confusion and sadness so completely abruptly. Such a complete shift, opposite emotions. It was jarring even though I didn't know what a space launch was supposed to look like or even really what death meant most likely. I don't know what I knew. But I knew the thing that was keeping them safe wasn't doing that anymore and they couldn't breathe all the way up there. Did I know that even? Then I swear a little kid said “see the pretty colors” and it made me really sad both because they didn't know people were hurt and because they'd find out sometime. You want to help, but you know telling them the truth isn't going to "help" really. That was another kick in the gut. But I wonder how much of that memory is news footage later and how much is really mine. I heard Bart Ehrman speak on memory once and now I don't know what I know. Haha.
If you want to cry again,
what he does when he's sad... It's heartbreaking.
